Purgation. The purification or cleansing of someone or something.
Lately, I’ve been pressed and stressed and not myself. Knowing that somethings really are bothering me. I must say I was able to hide all my feelings for the past 3 months. I was able to make me and other people believe that I am OK, but I know that I’m not. I was in denial that I am hurting. I convinced myself that I am OK, that everythings fine, but, honestly, its not.
March 5, 2016. Baby Gab’s Baptism.
The day when it all started. It was Baby Gab’s Christening. The morning went smooth, it was a normal day. When it was time to go home, I decided to join my cousins to Nuvali, they were planning to shop, so did I. It was around 4pm, when Daddy called me. He asked me where was I and he said that he was feeling super tired. I told him to go my cousin’s house. Then he called again, after 5 minutes, but it was not him, I was my aunt. She said that my dad was having a hard time breathing and we should go home asap. Yes, I was alarmed. I didn’t know that he was feeling that way.
He was admitted to the ICU that night. He was very weak. He was diagnosed with severe pneumonia, heart enlargement, and diabetes. Praying that he would be there for at most 3 days. But it was not granted. They had to run tests every now and then to check if he can breathe on his own. Yes he became dependent on the oxygen tank beside him. After a week he was discharged from ICU and was transferred to a regular room where we stayed for another one week. Yes we were at the hospital for two weeks full.
We were in and out of the hospital for check ups, lab tests and all. I faced financial problems. My savings and my salary budget slowly is becoming the medicine money of my dad.
June 3, 2016. Its back to normal.
The day when we found out that dad’s heart is almost back to normal. That even dad’s doctor could not believe it because its very rare that this thing will happen, especially for his condition. When we left that hospital last March 19, 2016, his heart was functioning at 16%. Then come this day, its now back to 65%. This is all because of dad’s doctor – we just followed all his instructions, and to the prayer warriors dad has. And I am so very grateful for you guys, you know who you are. Without you, I know dad’s recovery wouldn’t be fast.
June 11, 2016. The purgation.
The day when I purged it all out. This was the mom’s padasal for her supposedly 60th birthday. Morning, when I found something out that I felt that I was not being supported and that it was not taken seriously. Yes. I cried. I cried like a baby. That the only person who can stop me from crying was my mom. I prayed. I prayed really hard asking for strength, courage, will power; then I asked, “why?” Though, I know that its not proper to ask why, but I just had to. Then I saw my mom’s photo sticked in my mirror. Nahimasmasan ako, then I realised that I just have to accept that fact, then move on. Walang mangyayari sa akin if iiyak lang ako ng buong araw. Wala ng bang gagawa nito kundi ako.
June 12, 2016. Wakeboarding.
The daw when the family decided to go wake boarding. I thought that I was able to cry it all out yesterday, hindi pa pala. Thinking of the things that had happened, masakit pala talaga siya.
Time doesn’t always heal, sometimes it only hides the scars.
June 13, 2016. Mom’s 60th.
Probably, this is my first and last time for me to post something thats very open and personal. And it took me a while to write about it. Not because I’m asking fro sympathy or anything. I just need to let this out of my system.
June 18, 2016. Thanksgiving.
The family decided to have a Thanksgiving mass for daddy since this is like his 2nd life after knowing that his heart is at 16% to 65%. After the mass, when I was on my home, carrying our clothes for ironing, I thought that: Yes, I am tired. Yes, I am exhausted. Yes I am mentally, physically, emotionally, financial drained. But, this is for daddy. This won’t last forever. This will end soon. And after this I will be bigger. I will be better. I will more matured. And I will be victorious.